On this occasion I will try to peel it matters relating to the education of our children at home, which in general we own that makes the development of our children into a child's behavior and character is much different from what we expect as a parent.
There are many things that parents do or habits are often unconscious, but very influential on a child's mental growth.
I would classify habits that in some groups:
1. We always get Child Become a figure that was never wrong!
Can I demonstrated the habits of the parents, when our son was walking he suddenly hit the table, and consequently fell down and cried, then we as parents often do things that the goal for the child immediately stopped crying, with a beat and scold the child was hit by a table , saying, "Who's a naughty boy?, yes this table, the mother was at her desk, cup ... cup ... still yes", and usually the child will be quiet from crying.
Analysis: The parents have to get used to figure the child who was never wrong, and this will create in the minds of the recorded thoughts of the child and continue to carry over into his adulthood, the consequences if any he had experienced an event and there is something wrong, then that is wrong or one is another person or other party and he is always right.
Sometimes we as parents will realize that, when the child began to fight for us, because since childhood we have unwittingly taught him to never feel guilty.
What should we do when the child is just learning to walk and hit something that made him cry?
We should do is teach the child to take responsibility for what happens, say to him (which he said, rubbing the pain), "Honey, you hit the table ya, ya sick? careful next time yes dear, softly softly path only once, so do not hit the table again. "
2. We often make small lie
At first the children we always listen to what what was said by his parents. Why?, Because they fully believe in their parents.
However, when our son was growing up, he started to not obey the words of his parents or his parents request. What happened?, Is our children are no longer trust the word or words our words?
Analysis: From the example above, if we lie lightly or often called 'little lie', but it was a very big impact on the child's mental growth, then the child will no longer trust us as their parents, the child can not distinguish a statement we can trustworthy or not, due to continued the child considers all spoken by the parents is a lie, and since then the child will determine that the statement of his parents was always a lie, and the child began to not obey our word.
What should we do?
Speak the truth to the child, expressed with great affection and give a sense of: "Honey, my father would go to the office first, yes, sister can not come, but when my father went to the park, the sister can come."
We need not worry and be in a hurry with this situation, will certainly require more time to give sense to the child because the child will usually cry. The child was crying because he did not yet understand why the father's circumstances must always go in the morning. We must have patience and understanding to the child to do continuously, gradually the child will understand why his father was always gone in the morning. Conversely, if the father went to a place other than the office, then the child must be brought, by doing this honesty in all our words, then the child will be able to understand what we say and will comply with what we say.
3. We always are threatened
Without us knowing we are doing a threat posed little threat to the child, for example, "do not be naughty sister ... yes, that naughty brother sister brought the mother will not go sightseeing, sister home alone with my aunt".
Analysis: A child is being very clever in the study of patterns of care of his parents, he not only can determine the pattern of parents to educate, but to analyze and may deflect or control the pattern of care of his parents, This happens when we often use the threat of a threat to words, but after that no follow-up or maybe we've forgotten the threat we've ever said.
What should we do?
The threat does not solve the problem of naughty children, we should advise that they are readily accepted by the mind, as an example, "Brother, do rogue yes dear, that mischievous younger sister so cute anymore, and later brother so do not have any friends, would not brother If play does not have any friends, my sister is not good when playing alone ".
4. Mom and Dad are not compact
Educate not only the duty of a mother, or father, but both of them. Child will never get better, when parents are not compact and does not have a deal in educating their children.
Children generally have not been able to understand the value of right and wrong, they would quickly capture a sense of fun and sense of fun for him.
For example, if the child is sent to bed because it was time for bed the night by her mother, but suddenly his defense, here we are watching television together boy's father, besokkan day of the week, watching television may be a sister to satisfaction. If this happens the child will choose the more pleasing thing itself, that is watching a television with his dad, what's the impact?, The child will judge that her father's evil and the good judge, and the fatal result, every mother giving orders, he will begin fight with his father's plea overturned. Slowly but surely the child will continue to fight for his mother. And vice versa.
What should we do?
We as parents should always be compact, never no dualism in educating children, or doing a double standard. Before the child we never disagree for the things that are directly related to parenting pattern, remember the next time one of us is to educate children, then we have consistently supported the couple. If there are different views in educating children, discuss this personally with our partners.
We should do is, when your spouse tells the child to sleep because the time is at night, then we go back it up with saying, "yes ... yes brother to bed now, it's late at night, so tomorrow is not waking up late, and could continue to watch tivinya tomorrow ".
Habit of many parents, when the child is crying and trying to calm him down is to frighten, As an example, "Eh if sister crying continues, later know as a doctor injected". Or another example, "Look out there is the police officer, if sister crying later arrested by the police officer".
Analysis: The habit of scaring is almost similar with threatening habit, it's likely the child will stop crying and obey our wishes, but with the statements and threats scare like that, we actually instill a sense of dislike or hatred on the part that we have mentioned, also we actually have humbled ourselves, that we do not have the power to ban anything. As a result, our children will not like or are afraid to figure the doctor or the police officer figure, the real action is very wrong, because we will often relate to the doctor when your child sick, as a result, when our children a real pain, and time will take him to the doctor , then the child will be refused by a variety of ways.
What should we do?
Speak honestly and give meaning to the child, as we give meaning to the oarng adults, because real children are also able to think up. We should do is, do not cry keep ya brother, sister crying later when younger voices will be lost, because of sore throat, sister, brother sore throat that, the younger brother could not eat my sister's favorite food ".
6. Always give gifts to poor behavior
Often times we as parents are not consistent with our child, if this happens, we have unwittingly teach our children against us. As an example, when we take the road in a shopping street, suddenly the child wants a toy that he saw in the store that we went through, then we forbid it, by saying, "My, my sister had a toy, why should you buy it again?" .
But the child would not understand, all he wants is his wish was granted by his parents, he began to formulate a strategy with a variety of ways to get his wish, as a way to whine continued to cry, if not obeyed then he will crying with a voice that is more harder, as a result we parents become defensive, rather than embarrassed by the people around, then we say, "Yes yes ... buy it, but only one, yes, the others should not".
Analysis: This is what is meant by giving a gift to our children's bad behavior, the consequences if we let it continue to happen, it will be a weapon for the child, every time we take her to the mall road.
What should we do?
Should we continue to apply consistently to our children, do not be ashamed or afraid to say as a parent who 'tegaan' or 'stingy', remember always, that we are educating children, so we are consistent, then the child will never try it again.
We should say, "My ... my sister had a lot of toys at home, our money is better tubes, are not you able to buy another brother purposes, it soon we feast, what's sister did not want to buy new clothes widths as friends friends sister? "
Well here's some of the habits of parents who sometimes do not realize, will adversely affect the mental development of our children.
Actually there are many other reviews review habits related to these parents in educating our children, but I will continue on the next opportunity in my writing this series, the series of children's education article.
-Dr. Anugra Martyanto-
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